Paying The Tab
My father and I have a little game/competition when we go out to eat. We both want to be the one to pay the bill, so we try to sneak our credit card to the waitress without the other knowing. The exception to this rule is our Friday morning breakfasts. I always pay. He always brings his wallet “just in case.”
Our little game over the check after a meal is harmless fun. I don’t think either of us really has an issue about who pays. While it may include a little pride or one-up-man-ship, (which is common among leaders), I certainly don’t think this one is a serious problem. That is not always the case, though.
It is not unusual for leaders to have serious issues. Mental health issues, addictions, and personality disorders are plentiful in the rarified air of senior leadership. Speaking about several leaders in the music world who were tragically lost due to untreated mental health issues and substance abuse, Bono said: “It’s hard to fix a problem if it is paying everyone’s bills.”
One of the difficulties of leadership is that you can be successful in spite of your unhealthiness. Worse, sometimes you can make a lot of money being unhealthy. When this is the case, it is, as Bono says, very difficult to fix the problem while everyone is profiting from it.
The question leaders should ask themselves is, “Am I doing this the right way?” The reason for this question is that doing it the wrong way is unsustainable. You can maintain it for a while, maybe even a lifetime. More likely, you will fall. You will fail. Worst case, you may die.
I used to tell myself, and others, that I was willing to accept the consequences of my actions. I said that from a mental space of only thinking about what my actions might cost me. I was wrong on two significant fronts. First, I had no idea of all the consequences my actions could cause. Part of the arrogance of my position was to be blind to how serious those could be.
Second, I was not accounting for the harm that could come to others because of my failures as a leader. We all have people that rely on us—spouses, children, parents, friends, community, and so forth. Leaders carry an extra burden because another (potentially large) group of people is relying on us to lead well.
Money isn’t success. Things aren’t success. Position and power aren’t success. These aren’t sustainable either. Human flourishing is true success and is self-perpetuating and, therefore, sustainable. Helping the people around you live their best life results in you actually living yours, not just pretending that all the other stuff makes you happy.
The transition can be difficult. You may doubt your ability to be a leader if you admit you’re not OK and seek help. You may question whether you can produce results if you change the way you approach life. After all, they hired the you that you are. How can you change now?
I can’t answer those questions for you. I can, however, answer one that is more important: “What will happen if you don’t?” Best case: you will live out your life missing out on the best part of being a leader—the fulfillment that comes from knowing you made a difference in another person’s life. Worst case: you end up losing your life, mentally and emotionally if not physically. I don’t mind paying the tab for a meal. I don’t really mind if someone else beats me to it. What I am not OK with is leaving a tab of humans not flourishing for someone else to cover. That’s my bill to pay as a leader, and I would rather pay it with the hard work of being a healthy person first and a successful leader second, than to pay it with my life (or someone else’s). Great leaders pay the tab because it’s the right thing to do, and it’s the Bison Way.