The Inquisitive Man

In 1814, Russian poet and fabulist, Ivan Krylov, wrote “The Inquisitive Man”. This fable tells of a man who goes to a museum and notices all sorts of tiny things but fails to notice an elephant. This is where we get the proverbial phrase “the elephant in the room”, meaning the obvious thing that everyone knows about but no one mentions or wants to discuss.

Unfortunately, there are almost always elephants in the room. Every room. And almost universally, we don’t like to talk about things that are uncomfortable, personal, embarrassing, controversial, inflammatory, or dangerous. When the elephant is about our leaders or our teammates, it is all the above.

Personally, I think everyone should go to rehab. At the very least, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be better off in therapy. However, since we probably can’t send everyone on our team to treatment, what can we do to improve the potential that our team will address the elephant? In other words, how can we become inquisitive?

First, it is important to verify what the elephant is. I can hear you say, “By definition, it’s obvious!” However, the symptoms can be apparent while the problem is hidden. Perceptions are always real, but they aren’t always right. Before you go elephant hunting, do a reality check with a couple people you trust to see if they see what you see.

If you really have an elephant, name it. I don’t mean “Dumbo” or “Babar,” but acknowledge the specific nature of the problem. Stick to identifying actions and results without personality judgements. It is rare for someone to change their personality, but people can and often do change their specific behaviors if properly motivated.

This is a good time to consider the time, or timing. If you’re going to talk about the elephant, try not to do it when people are worried about lions and tigers and bears. Ideally, people should be less emotional and less stressed, and you should be able to minimize distractions. Finally, limit the conversation to those who are part of or impacted by the elephant.

You should have a plan, a leader’s intent, before you try to engage in discussion about the elephant. Have a clear picture of the outcome you want to see. Having clear goals and objectives helps keep dialogue open and communication healthy.

So, the elephant has been around for a while. If we are going to deal with it, now is not the time to beat around the bush (besides, that’s where the tigers are, not the elephants). Being direct, honest, and detailed—even if it is unpleasant—will turn the elephant into a manageable obstacle that can be dealt with.

Finally, there are going to be emotions. When an elephant is loose in the room, people get stepped on, feelings get hurt, and there’s liable to be some “poop”. Emotions are inevitable and mostly uncontrollable. What is controllable is how we treat each other, no matter how we are feeling in the moment, because emotions are temporary. Make sure people feel safe by framing conversations as ways to share perspective, not arenas to have gladiator battles in.

Elephants take 18-22 months to gestate (the real ones, not the proverbial ones). Fully grown they weigh 8,000 – 13,000 pounds and eat up to 300 pounds of food per day. The metaphor has appropriate similarities. Problems can grow hidden away for a long time, but eventually they get too big to ignore, and, by then, they are consuming your team’s energy like a hungry, well, you know.

One of the biggest obstacles to progress are the unspoken differences, obstructive behaviors, and energy-draining moods that remain unaddressed. We all have elephants in the room. Some leaders manage to see all the small things and ignore the important ones. Great leaders find ways to escort those pesky elephants out the door by being bravely inquisitive and leading their team the Bison Way.