Phobophobia

Phobophobia is the fear of phobias or the fear of fear. While there is no exact number, and clinicians and researchers create new names as needed, there are over 400 recognized phobias. That’s a lot of things we are afraid of. Over 25 million people in the U.S. have Aerophobia, the fear of flying, and many are afraid they will lose their life in a plane. This, despite the data that suggests you are 200 times more likely to die traveling by car than by plane.

One of the reasons people are afraid in some situations is they are aware of their lack of control. While statistics tell us flying is much safer than driving, most people have a sense of personal control while driving that they lack when strapped in a metal tube going 500 mph at 30,000 ft where the pilot and co-pilot are locked away from view. We crave control and will often do riskier things in exchange for it.

Leaders like to be in control too. Part of what attracts us to leadership positions is that we naturally like to be in charge; only with us, the drive is even stronger. We get rewarded for gaining, maintaining, and using control. As we work our way up in our careers, we are asked what we have done, what we have accomplished—in other words, what have we controlled. We momentarily ignore the reality that no one accomplishes anything alone and write our stuff down (giving a slight acknowledgement to the team along the way).

There are three things that are dangerous about this bent we have.

First, control is an illusion. We aren’t in control of much. We may have significant influence. We may have some leverage over people. We may have a plan that is more complete and forward looking than others. We are not in control. If we buy into the illusion that we are in control, we will begin acting like we are. We get stubborn, pushy, close-minded, and obstinate. That leads to the second danger…

People don’t like to be pushed, bullied, managed, manipulated, or controlled. You know this because you don’t like it either. Having made it to the first seat—the highest position, the top, or wherever you are—if you forget this, you do so at your peril. People like to be collaborated with, listened to, valued, partnered with, and influenced. You may have the title and the positional authority that goes with it, but you must earn the right to influence people.

Finally, in an ironic twist of fate, while people do not like being controlled, in the face of a controlling leader, they will do exactly as they are told. No more, no less. They will fulfill your commands even if they result in failure. Once a leader’s toxic management style causes people to give up, they are no longer invested in anything other than staying under the radar. No one ever got fired for doing exactly what they were told to do.

Why do leaders hold so tightly to control? Because they are afraid. They are afraid of not being included, they are afraid of failure, they are afraid of the unknown, they are afraid of change, and they are afraid of criticism and/or losing status. Simply put, we are severely allergic to being strapped into the flying tube while someone else is determining the outcome.

How do we overcome our fear of “flying”? We must first acknowledge that most of what occurs happens without any input from us. Even in our organizations, thousands of decisions are made all the time that we are unaware of. Second, we must trust our people. This starts with surrounding yourself with quality people and continues with a daily, conscious decision to give them the wheel. (You might even vocalize it for yourself by saying to them, “I trust you to make this decision.”) Finally, we must examine our own motivations and ego. Much of what we fail to delegate and to trust others with can be traced back to pride.

I like to fly. I don’t want to pilot the plane, as the people chosen for that task are much more suited for it than I am. As leaders, we need to recognize that the people around us are better at many things than we ever will be and let them do great things. Communities that are built on trust, influence, value, and respect are far safer and get us where we need to go faster because they are going the Bison Way.