Cherish Is The Word
If you were a young man or woman in the fall of 1966 (I was two, going on three), you probably slow danced to the song “Cherish” by The Association. One of the original members (there have been over 40), Terry Kirkman, penned the lyrics:
Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
Someone asked me recently what I cherished. The use of that word took me by surprise—you don’t hear it much anymore. Webster’s says that to cherish is to hold dear, feel or show affection for, keep or cultivate with care and affection, nurture. I cherish my family, my dear friends, the people I lead. I also cherish myself.
I didn’t always cherish my family and friends, and certainly not the people I led. I say that because, while I needed them, provided for them, and was mostly kind to them, I didn’t nurture them. Likewise, selfishness—or even excess self-interest—doesn’t always lead to nurturing oneself. For me, at the height of my self-indulgence, I was causing myself and those around me significant harm.
Leaders should cherish the people they lead. If that word feels a little romantic, it should. We should feel a way about our herd that leads to devotion in thought, word, and action. In fact, it should be a little bit of an obsession. I know a little about obsessive behavior (my therapist and I are working on it). When I am obsessing over something, I think about it constantly. I devote much (or most) of my energy—mentally and physically—to moving the object of my obsession forward.
When leaders cherish the people they serve, their first thoughts are about the welfare of the people—not themselves. They work tirelessly to move the welfare, health, and success of those people forward. They are obsessed with making other people’s lives better. Unlike some of my obsessions, a leader cannot be too committed to the welfare of the people they serve. You can (and should) obsess all you want.
Cherish is the word that means you care enough to do whatever it takes. Cherish does not mean that you give everyone everything they want. Cherish does not mean that you remove all obstacles and prevent all consequences. Cherish isn’t another word for “easy.”
In Biosphere 2, trees grew quickly but collapsed before reaching maturity due to a lack of wind stress. Wind, which naturally pushes and bends trees, strengthens their roots and trunks, but Biosphere 2’s enclosed environment lacked this stress, leading to weak trees. Leaders who shelter their people too much are actually hurting them. Stress, consequences, responsibility, and failure are all necessary parts of our development.
To cherish is to create an environment that gives each person the best chance for healthy growth. I say “chance” because we can’t force people to grow. We can’t make people successful; we can only give them the soil, water, and nutrients they need (and allow the elements to challenge them), and then they have to choose growth. This may be the hardest part of leading. When you truly care, it hurts when people choose not to grow—or worse, choose to harm themselves and others.
The lyrics go on to say:
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could
Mold you into someone who could
Cherish me as much as I cherish you
Great leaders don’t lead well for the admiration of those they lead. In a perfect world (or even a nearly perfect community), everyone would cherish everyone else. We do not live in a perfect community. The burden of leadership is to care more about people than they do about you. Period. There is no excuse available here. Great leaders cherish those they lead.
Cherish is a word that should be used more often. More importantly, it is a commitment that more leaders should make. Choose to cherish the people you serve. Nurture them, feed them, allow them the space (and stress) to grow strong and create resilient and amazing lives for themselves and their community. Great leaders are hopeful romantics—hopeful that they can make a difference in others’ lives, the Bison Way.