Not Normal
I recently attended the Hope Is Alive (HIA) Inspiring Lunch in Oklahoma City. The theme was “Not Normal,” referring to the differences between HIA and many of the other addiction recovery programs. In recovery, we often refer to people who are not addicts as “normies.” We love normies, but we are grateful that we are not normal.
Normal, by definition, is “standard, usual, typical, or expected.” Normal requires cutting off both ends of the spectrum and settling on a lowest common denominator. This is necessary in some aspects of community, like traffic laws. For us all to be safe and able to pilot our cars around town, we agree to operate in a safe middle space of speed, lane use, interactions at intersections, and so forth. There is no room for F1-style driving—or the extreme opposite either.
Sometimes, normal—in the sense that it is the “usual” and “expected”—is not only unnecessary but also harmful. Humans can normalize almost anything; it is a survival mechanism. However, when we begin to accept things that are harmful to ourselves or others, often because we feel powerless to do anything about them, we have reached a state filmmaker Adam Curtis calls “hypernormalization.
This concept applies to politics, economics, and digital culture, but, importantly, it also affects our daily lives in ways we rarely notice. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “How did we get here?” In most cases, the road was long and very gradual. Things that used to shock us now barely cause us to pause. However, some things we used to think were perfectly “normal” are now not (think racism, employment discrimination, misogyny, etc.).
Despite all the progress we have made, we have also normalized devaluing other people. Interestingly, we often see people disrespecting and devaluing others while they call for respect and value for themselves—(which, as I read to my granddaughter in Diary of a Wimpy Kid, the teacher would say is ironic). There is an unending supply of organizations with management that fundamentally undervalues and under-respects the people they are supposed to serve, leading to harmful and toxic cultures.
Leaders always start with themselves. The cultures we create will mirror what we model in our own lives. Culture—the experience people have when they are in our community—is an organic result of the beliefs of the leadership. What we believe about what is “normal”, and what is not, fundamentally impacts the experience of the people we lead and serve. Some simple things can help us be “more not normal” (just remember, simple isn’t always easy).
Stop compartmentalizing.
We compartmentalize to cope with cognitive dissonance—when what we believe about ourselves and the world around us doesn’t match what we do or see. Over time, this leads to a learned helplessness in which we stop questioning and start accepting things we wouldn’t have before because challenging them feels too difficult.
Instead of compartmentalizing, identify and sit with the emotions and thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable. Then, engage in small but meaningful ways. Talking to real people in real life (IRL, as my kids would type) can combat the tendency we all have to “put things on a shelf.”
Connect emotionally.
Desensitization is one of the primary symptoms of hypernormalization. Constant exposure to crisis, conflict, misinformation, corruption, and general decline leaves us numb. This is our brain’s way of shielding us from overload as a survival mechanism. It’s not that we don’t care, but it does mean we are tuning out the “noise” instead of confronting the problem.
The answer is emotional connection and practical solutions. You probably can’t end global hunger, but you can feed a hungry person. You probably can’t rectify any of the environmental issues we are facing, but you can be a good steward of the things around you. You probably can’t end homelessness, but you can take some time and talk to someone experiencing it. Maybe we can’t change the world, but we can change someone’s world.
Finally, be curious.
The things we accept without question gradually numb us to their impact. We should be asking “Why?” Why is it normal for there to be high turnover among team members? Why is it normal for policies to be punitive and written to stop a small number of people from doing the wrong thing instead of encouraging the larger number of people to do the right thing? Why is it normal for discrimination of all types to still be pervasive in so many aspects of corporate culture?
We tend to get distracted when we try to deal with these issues—distracted by complexity, history, or silliness. Distraction breeds apathy, and we end up talking and talking and talking and not doing. Ask, “What would it look like if…?” and then do something about it.
I am glad that I am not normal. I am grateful to lead a group of dynamic, different, and determined people who are not normal either. Real, genuine leadership isn’t normal, and great leaders aren’t normal either. Take a moment today (and every day from now on) to ask yourself what you have normalized that needs to be changed. Leaders who are awake, connected, and curious will lead, not normally, the Bison Way.