New Kid(s) On The Block
No, I’m not encouraging a comeback by the ’80s boy band, so you can relax. I was thinking about my high school experience the other day, though. I transferred to a new (larger) school my sophomore year. About 80% of the students had gone to school together since preschool. They knew each other, their parents knew each other, they ate at the same restaurants, they belonged to the same clubs, and they went on vacation to the same places. We did not.
I was actually the new kid on the block. It didn’t help that I was a nerd, not very athletic, and basically awkward. I was not welcomed with open arms. Rather, at least some of my fellow students went out of their way to make things difficult for me. I didn’t realize until rehab and subsequent therapy how profoundly this impacted me. As trauma always does, it created both some good things and also many bad things in my perception of myself and the way I related to the world around me.
Conversely, the recovery community I engage in goes out of its way—both “corporately,” in its cultural processes, and individually, through the behavior of each person—to welcome people and make them feel like they belong. The difference in how it feels in this community compared to how it felt for me in high school is stark. High school felt alienating, dark, unsafe, and hurtful. The recovery community feels connected, joyful, safe, and healing.
In most communities and organizations, new people are joining us all the time. They are going to feel like new kids on the block—because they are. If we do nothing, they will naturally feel like outsiders trying to find a way in. I would hope none of you lead cultures where people intentionally make things more difficult, but without intentional effort, people are going to feel left out.
Great leaders do as much as they can to smooth the way into their communities. Though the term is a little stiff, “onboarding” describes the process (whether it’s effective or not) of giving a new member of the community the tools and information necessary to become a productive (and happy) member of the team. Unfortunately, a study by Gallup showed that only 12 percent of employees felt their company did a great job with onboarding.
What began as some simple instructional steps under the heading of “organizational socialization” in the ’70s has, over the last 50+ years, developed into complex and carefully documented processes intended to help “new kids” understand their roles and feel like part of the team. Unfortunately, processes and procedures are no match for culture. If your culture isn’t inclusive, inviting, curious, and attentive, it won’t matter.
One of the often-overlooked components of onboarding should be establishing clear expectations and guidelines. In the same way that etiquette’s purpose is to guide social interactions and ensure smooth exchanges between individuals, a community’s “rules” and expectations need to be known and understood by new members for them to feel comfortable as they integrate into the group. Simply put, if I don’t know what to do and what not to do, I’m going to be nervous and uneasy.
All of us have been the “new kid” at some point. A culture that encourages established team members to remember what it was like to be new—a form of empathy—will create a more inviting atmosphere. Involving more team members in onboarding efforts will increase their ability to “remember.” We tend to be more empathetic to people when we are in closer communication with them, so get more people involved.
Encouraging participation and asking new team members for their input is a great way to help people integrate into the group. Far from being just about the new person, this is also an essential tool for generating new ideas and starting beneficial conversations. When we have been around for a while, we stop noticing things. Newer team members, if encouraged, can ask questions and offer insight that “old” team members miss.
When someone new joins our community, we need to train them in their job role, show them where the “stuff” is, and generally acclimate them to the organization. In communities with healthy cultures, leadership also clearly defines expectations, values empathy in the established group, and actively seeks input from the “new kid.” By focusing on smoothing the way into our community, we help people feel like they are part of our herd—because that is the Bison Way.