Do As You Please
“Love God and do as you please” is attributed to St. Augustine in a sermon on 1 John 4:4-12. He was on to something. Our executive team was working on a “Code of Conduct” arising from a list we made—as a team—of things we would and wouldn’t do in meetings and interactions with each other. It was a good idea.
A smaller group was selected to wordsmith the list into a concise document we could all subscribe to. The day came for them to present their work product to the whole group, and they opened with this:
A code is a system of words, letters, figures, or other symbols that a message is converted into. Conduct means both the manner in which a person behaves and the act of leading or guiding someone to a particular place. Therefore, our Conduct is a Code for the message we are guiding others toward.
That is, as my kids would say, “a banger.”
Wait, it gets better. They then suggested that instead of a set of rules, we should have an aspirational framework of the attitude we want to embrace.
Wow.
Rules are necessary for the new and immature. As we grow and accumulate experience (maturity), we should move toward needing fewer rules. Research strongly supports that maturity reduces the need for external rules as we increase our ability to self-regulate. Let’s look at the Three Stages of Leadership Maturity.
Stage 1: The New Hire – Co-Regulation Through Leadership
Just as infants require complete external regulation from caregivers, new team members need intensive guidance, structure, and oversight. They arrive not knowing our rhythms or how we navigate the storms that blow through any organization. Like a parent helping a toddler manage overwhelming emotions, leaders must literally lend their regulatory capacity to newcomers.
Consider the talented new engineer who doesn’t yet understand that in our meetings, we pause before speaking over each other. Or the brilliant marketing hire who hasn’t learned that here, we assume positive intent rather than defaulting to defensiveness. They’re not deficient—they’re borrowing our organizational nervous system until they develop their own.
This requires “warm and responsive interactions.” We model the behavior we want to see, coach them through difficult conversations, and provide scaffolding for their competence. It’s intensive work, but incredibly powerful. We’re literally helping shape how their professional nervous system will function for years to come.
Stage 2: The Emerging Leader – Socially Calibrated Performance
The middle stage emerges as team members develop significant capability but remain heavily influenced by their peer context. Like adolescents who can self-regulate but are still learning to calibrate with their social environment, these emerging leaders have real skills but need the group’s wisdom to deploy them effectively.
A mid-level manager might have excellent technical skills and good instincts about people, but they’re still figuring out how to read the room. They can sense when a client meeting is going sideways, but they’re learning to distinguish between the kind that needs immediate intervention and the kind that needs patient navigation.
These team members become both influencers and influenced. They start mentoring newer hires while simultaneously learning from experienced colleagues. They’re developing their own regulatory systems while staying finely tuned to social feedback. This isn’t weakness; it’s sophisticated development. They’re learning to be autonomous while remaining connected.
Stage 3: The Mature Leader – Autonomous Regulation
Then something remarkable happens. After years of co-regulation and socially calibrated learning, certain team members develop internalized wisdom. They’ve moved beyond relying on rules because they’ve developed sophisticated internal guidance systems.
These are the people who can walk into any situation and somehow know the right response. Not because they’ve memorized a handbook, but because they’ve internalized the principles that make us who we are. They can “do as they please” precisely because their “please” has been shaped by years of disciplined growth.
I think of our VP who can navigate a crisis without checking the policy manual—not because she’s reckless, but because she’s internalized our values so deeply that her instincts align with our aspirations. These leaders require minimal oversight because they’ve developed the capacity for self-correction that comes with genuine maturity.
The Promise
What strikes me most is this progression’s implications for how we structure organizations. Rules and oversight will always be necessary for those in earlier developmental stages. But our ultimate goal isn’t compliance; it’s cultivation.
We’re not trying to create rule-followers. We’re trying to develop people who embody our values so completely that external constraints become unnecessary—people who can be trusted with autonomy because they’ve learned to wield it wisely.
The beauty of Augustine’s insight becomes clear—when someone truly loves the right things, you can trust them to “do as they please.” Their pleasure has been transformed by their love. In organizational terms, when someone has genuinely internalized our mission and values, we can trust their judgment even in situations we never anticipated.
When we successfully help people move from external regulation to autonomous wisdom, we create something extraordinary: a culture that can adapt and thrive regardless of what storms come our way. That’s worth aspiring to. That’s worthy of the effort. And that, most certainly, is the Bison Way.